Growing Forward

Although life coaching is all about “growing forward”, our pasts can sometimes get in the way of the very progress we say we want to make. We get stuck, we hit roadblocks, we sabotage ourselves, we have difficulty in relationships. Sometimes  it’s important to pause, reflect and learn from our past. We can then apply this self-awareness into our current reality and be in a better position to move forward.

Take “difficulty in relationships” for example. This just happens to be an area that challenges many of my coaching clients. One of my favorite relationship leaders, Dr. John Gottman, is a widely recognized relationship expert in this country and co-founder/co-director of The Gottman Institute (www.gottman.com). He uses the term “emotional heritage” to describe what we all carry with us from the past, and what may be influencing our current connections with others:

Emotional Heritage:  “your family’s attitudes towards emotional expression, their emotional philosophy, and the enduring vulnerabilities you may retain from past injuries”.

Sometimes, the first step in transcending our past, is to become AWARE of how our past may be impacting our present choices. When we are aware, we can be increasingly proactive about the choices we make in our current relationships. We can consciously choose to forgive, to love, to have compassion, to have courage in our relationships. When we are not aware, it is easier to flounder in victim thinking, in blaming, in a sense of “helplessness”.  Over  time we can become bitter instead of better.

Gottman’s  recent WORKPLACE SERIES  provides an excellent exercise to help you become more aware-to understand how your past may be influencing your relationships with co-workers in particular:

http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/the-workplace-how-does-your-past.html

If you’re experiencing difficulty in any relationships, but especially at work, completing this exercise might be a great way to learn something new about yourself!

Ask: How might my emotional heritage be affecting my current relationships? How can I become better instead of bitter?