Criticism and blame can be hard to take, especially when we feel wrongly attacked, or unfairly picked on. When we’re on the receiving end, it’s easy to get defensive and feel like striking back. Even when we feel like striking back, we can choose to respond in ways that will deescalate rather than intensify the tension. We can listen differently. We can apologize for the part of the criticism that we can understand or agree with. We can clarify our own position– which
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Life structures can help us reach our goals and become the person we want to be. Life structures come in all shapes and sizes, and the number of them we can create is unlimited. An exercise class is a life structure that helps maintain fitness. A shopping list is a life structure that helps ensure a shopping experience guided by needs, not wants. A weekly housekeeper or designated “cleaning day” is a life structure that helps eliminate mess. A menu plan is a
Read more →It’s important to find a healthy balance between doing what we think we need to do, and being the kind of person we want to be. Most of us tend to focus more at our doing than at our being. We spend our lives trying to make something of ourselves, trying to have an impact, trying to be reasonably successful in this world. We work hard to accomplish our goals and teach our children to do the same. Our culture’s ethos of achievement feeds this focus,
Read more →It’s important to pay attention to the moments we feel moved to tears. These moments are opportunities to learn something new about ourselves and our place in this world. They often hold clues to who we really are, and what we should do next. Frederick Buechner, one of my favorite authors, says that listening to our lives (including our tears) is the best and most authentic way to experience ourselves and God. He talks about tears in his book, Beyond Words: YOU NEVER KNOW what may cause them. The
Read more →Our stories matter. The stories we tell ourselves can have a huge impact on our mental well-being. Whether we realize it or not, we all create stories, or “narratives” to process information and make sense of events that happen in our lives. The way we construct our stories can radically influence our lives and the lives of our family and friends. “We have very little control over what happens in our lives, but we have alot of control over how we integrate and remember what
Read more →Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. (Brene Brown,
Read more →Unsatisfied with your life? Fortunately, you get to choose the attitudes and behaviors that will increase your level of satisfaction! This article by Joshua Becker, 9 Easy Ways To Become Unsatisfied with Life, provides an excellent opportunity for life reflection and the creation of a more satisfied reality. My husband and I had great fun discussing this article over our morning coffee time today. The article easily generated a lively conversation about life satisfaction and specific focus areas where we both want to grow. In essance, we took turns answering these questions: Of the article’s nine
Read more →“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may be another profound truth.” (Neils Bohr-Nobel Prize-winning physicist) We can develop personal character and become more effective in our relationships by learning to hold the tension of opposing qualities within ourselves in responsible and balanced ways. Such learning requires us to think about some (but not all) things as “both-ands” instead of “either-ors.” For example, I can be dependent and independent in the same relationhip,
Read more →Receiving well is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. It is a powerful-though often neglected-way of honoring another person. Yet most of us do better at giving well. We find it easier to give our love and support to others than to receive the love and support of others. When I worked with dying patients and their families as medical social worker at Mercy Hospice-Johnston, this idea of honoring others by receiving well was a topic
Read more →We always have the choice to be one who affirms or one who drains. When you think of the various relationships and activities in your life, are you being one who affirms or one who drains? We affirm when our thoughts, words, actions and even non-actions “breathe life” and help others to become alive in new ways. We drain when our thoughts, words, actions and non-actions hurt and dishearten others. In every encounter we either give life or drain it.
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