Our thoughts have a powerful impact on our feelings. More impact in fact, than do events or environmental circumstances. Our thoughts can help us feel good. They can also cause us a great deal of unnecessary emotional distress.
All of us, from time to time, use faulty thinking when we interpret the events that happen in our lives. Since many of our thoughts are beyond our immediate awareness, we may not even realize this!
When we use faulty thinking, we are more likely to experience difficult emotions like anxiety, depression, guilt, anger and fear. If we can learn to “catch” ourselves in faulty thinking and to challenge our inaccurate thoughts by replacing them with thoughts that are more realistic and balanced, we can help ourselves feel better. Our new and different thoughts will impact our feelings in a positive way, and we will be able to make better decisions about our lives.
If you’re interested in learning how to “catch” yourself, try this faulty thinking exercise:
Faulty Thinking Exercise
Eight faulty thinking styles are listed below. For each faulty thinking style there is a short description, a few examples, a few questions that can be used to challenge, and two blank lines. These two blank lines are for you to write down one inaccurate thought you have had and one question you could use to challenge that thought. Have fun!
1) ALL OR NOTHING THINKING
All or nothing thinking is when we view the world in a black and white, cut and dried fashion. Events are either right or wrong, with no shades of gray in between.
Examples:
“You are either with me or against me, there is no in-between.”
“If I don’t get an “A” then I am a complete failure.”
Questions to challenge:
“Are there any other ways I could think about this?”
“Is there any evidence to the contrary?”
“Is this really true, or have I just chosen to think about it this way?”
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
2) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
Jumping to conclusions is when we arrive at a conclusion without having the facts to back it up. We believe that because something could happen that it will happen or we overestimate the likelihood that negative events will occur in the future.
Examples:
Your boss gives you a less than perfect performance evaluation and you think, “I’m never going to get promoted”, or “I’m going to get fired.”
Your spouse has been quiet/preoccupied lately and you think “She doesn’t love me anymore.”
Questions to challenge:
“What are the chances of this really happening?”
“How often has this happened in the past?”
“Do I know absolutely for certain what the other person is thinking about me?”
“What are the facts supporting my conclusion?”
“How certain (0-10) am I of my conclusion?”
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
3) MAGNIFICATION
Magnification or “catastrophizing” is when we think the worst thing we can think of will happen.
Examples:
“If I lose my job, I’m going to end up homeless.”
“If anyone knows about the mistake I made, I would feel so ashamed and wouldn’t be able to bear it.”
Questions to challenge:
“Why would it be so awful?”
“What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Would the world come to an end?”
“Would I eventually be able to get over it?”
_________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
4) OVERGENERALIZING
Overgeneralizing is when we think that something negative that happens once in a while, or even once, is a set pattern which will happen over and over again.
Examples:
Your spouse is late for dinner occasionally, and you think, “He/she is always late for dinner and is never going to be on home on time.”
You make a mistake, and you think, “I can’t do anything right.”
Questions to challenge:
“What percent of the time does this happen?”
“Are there any exceptions to this generalization?”
“What else could it mean?”
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
5) FILTERING
Filtering is when we take negative details and magnify them, while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. A single detail may be picked out, and the whole event becomes colored by this detail. When we pull negative things out of context, isolated from all the good experiences around us, we make them larger and more awful than they really are.
Examples:
You ignore a compliment because you are focusing on a criticism someone made.
You think your spouse is blaming you for something, when they may in fact , be trying trying hard to take appropriate personal responsibility.
Questions to challenge:
“What am I over-looking?”
“Am I seeing the whole picture?”
“Can I think of any positives?”
________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
6) EMOTIONAL REASONING
Emotional reasoning is when we believe that what we feel must be true automatically.
Examples:
If you feel stupid or boring, then you must be stupid and boring.
If you feel guilty, then you must have done something wrong.
Questions to challenge:
“Are my feelings valid indicators of what is true or not?”
“What will happen if I ignore this feeling?”
“Am I basing deciding something based on emotions of the moment?”
“Would I feel better if I ignored these feelings for a moment to see what will happen?”
___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
7) SHOULD STATEMENTS
Living by should statements is when we have a list of ironclad “rules” about how we and other people should act. People who break the rules anger us, and we feel guilty if we violate the rules. When we’re living by should statements we are not accepting reality on its own terms. We are demanding that reality conform to our terms. Cue words are should, ought, and must.
Examples:
“People should always be polite.”
“I should have done better.”
Questions to challenge:
“Is it fair of me to demand that others conform to my expectations?”
“Am I accepting reality as is, or judging it?”
___________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
8) PERSONALIZATION
Personalization is when we take complete responsibility for an occurrence that is not entirely our responsibility or under our control. We blame ourselves when the blame is not entirely ours to own.
Example:
“If I were a better wife, my husband wouldn’t yell at me.”
“If I had been a better mother, my son wouldn’t have turned to drugs.”
Questions to Challenge:
“Are there other factors that could have caused the situation?”
“What would you say to a friend who felt and thought the same way you do?”
___________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
Which of these faulty thinking styles is most present in your life? Next time you’re feeling some emotional distress, try “catching” yourself!
_________________________
Note: The information in this article was gleaned from the work of several authors, including Aaron Beck, Albert Ellis and David Burns