Last night I went to see Stephen Spielberg’s recently released American historical drama film, “Lincoln”. In case you haven’t seen it yet, this film starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Abraham Lincoln and Sally Field as Mary Todd Lincoln, is based in part, on Doris Goodwin’s biography of Abraham Lincoln, Team of Rivals, and focuses on President Lincoln’s tumultuous final 4 months in office before his assassination. In a nation divided by war, Lincoln pursues a course of action designed to end the Civil War, unite the country and abolish slavery. He is adament that the US House of Representatives pass the 13th amendment to the US constitution to settle the slavery issue before the war concludes. His vision, that passing the 13th amendment was imperative for the US to recognize the full and equal humanity of black people, propelled him to insist on leading in this direction despite difficulty and opposition. With his moral courage and fierce determination, his choices during this critical time changed the fate of generations to come.
What struck me most while watching “Lincoln”, was first of all, the President’s ability to KNOW what needed to happen in order to create the future he envisioned. The second thing that struck me was his dogged consistency in making daily choices (some of them quite unconventional) that aligned with the preferred future he saw, despite contentious debate on the house floor, and tremendous resistance even from within his own cabinet!
We are not all natural leaders like Abraham Lincoln, although there are a few among us who seem to have a similar uncanny ability to “see the big picture” and know what needs to happen in order to steer an organization or a whole country in a particular direction. However, if we are honest with ourselves, most of us do have a vision of what we want our own personal future to look like.
“I want to lose weight”.
“ I want to be more courageous in my communication”.
“I want to make a bigger difference in the world”.
These are common “preferred futures” verbalized by my coaching clients. For many of us though, the very changes we know we need to make and very much want to make, DON’T HAPPEN. We stay stuck in our old patterns and continue to make daily life choices that actually prevent us from reaching our goals. We carry our own resistance within us, often without the kind of external resistance that Lincoln experienced.
Why? Why do we resist the very changes we say we want? In his book, Immunity to Change, Robert Kegan suggests that we sometime have hidden beliefs and committments that compete with our motivation to change. These hidden beliefs and committments can actively and often brilliantly, prevent us from changing. They keep us, instead, devoted to preserving our existing status quo behaviors. Kegan suggests that until such inner competition is exposed and challenged, change can be difficult.
The coaching process can help expose and challenge your inner resistance to change. Coaching can help you highlight specific behaviors you do/don’t do that keep you from getting what you say you want. Behaviors, for example, like over-eating or not exercising when you say you want to lose weight. Coaching can also unearth and challenge any hidden beliefs and committments that may be obstructing the change you say you want. Committments, for example, like “I am committed to not being bored, to feeling stimulated and energized”, or “I am committed to not feeling anxious or empty”.
I hope you get a chance to see “Lincoln”! While you’re watching it (or not) ask yourself this question:
What stops me from making choices that align with what I say I want for my life?