“It is not the events in your life that determine who you are, it’s how you choose to respond to them”
Victor Frankl
I have no idea how or why the 35-year-old from Illinois ever came back to find me in the crowd of several thousand runners as I was approaching mile 24 of the Little Rock Marathon last weekend. “FOCUS!” he shouted, as he caught my eye. He could tell I was utterly exhausted and somehow knew my mind was playing tricks on me, trying to talk me out of my own goals. “You’re right on pace! Two miles left. You can do this!” I nodded in thanks. “Be willing to suffer! These last few miles will hurt! GET EMOTIONAL WITH IT!”
His words were a jarring reminder of the freedom I still had to CHOOSE how I was going to finish this race. Stay with the growing physical exhaustion/ discomfort and give it my best? Or give into the fatigue and ease into a slower more comfortable pace? I chose to rise above my mind and continued pushing strong and steady.
My new friend and I had found each other side-by-side at mile 6. Since our pace was similar, we ran together until mile 14 when he forged ahead at the start of a two mile hill. While we never even thought of exchanging names, we had discovered similar marathon goals. He wanted 3:50 “just because”, and I wanted 3:52 to qualify for guaranteed entry into the New York Marathon. When he came back to find me, it was clear he had done the math and that he cared: If I stayed exactly on pace, I would make my goal with less than a minute to spare. He was right. I definitely needed to stay focused!
At the time I did not know about the killer hill around the corner at mile marker 25. When I first saw the long steep incline looming ahead, my heart sank as the possibility of 3:52 finish vanished. Regardless, I could still hear my friend’s words: “Focus!” Even without the outcome I had so badly wanted, I could still CHOOSE how I was going to finish. So I “got emotional” with it. I stayed focused and gave it my absolute best ANYWAY. I fought the hill with all I had left, and crossed the finish line at 3:53:27, exactly 1 minute, 27 seconds slower than my goal.
Disappointed? Yes. But I could let it go, regardless of the outcome, because I knew I had my integrity as a runner. Choice after choice, I had not allowed myself to settle for anything less than what I was capable of that day. I had been “faithful to the process” of running a marathon.
This idea of “being faithful to the process” regardless of circumstances or results, is something I frequently talk about with my coaching clients. After some discussion, we usually agree that ultimately we are responsible for only one thing: the choices we make moment by moment. One good choice at a time, regardless of poor choices others may be making, regardless of possible poor choices in the past, and regardless of whether or not things are turning out the way we want them to. All we really need to ask, moment by moment is this: What’s the next right thing to do? And deep down, we usually know exactly what the right thing to do is in any situation. There is great freedom in knowing this is all we are really responsible for!
“Do It Anyway” written by Kent Keith, and found on Mother Teresa’s convent wall, helps us understand and apply what being “faithful to the process” means:
Do It Anyway
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend year building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
Next time you find yourself at a choice point, ask yourself: What does it mean for me to be “faithful to the process” in this moment? What choice feels most authentic, honest, necessary and true for me? What does it mean for me to DO IT ANYWAY?