One Who Affirms Or One Who Drains?

 We always have the choice to be one who affirms or one who drains.

When you think of the various relationships and activities in your life, are you being one who affirms or one who drains?

We affirm when our thoughts, words, actions and even non-actions “breathe life” and help others to become alive in new ways. We drain when our thoughts, words, actions and non-actions hurt and dishearten others. In every encounter we either give life or drain it.

Author Mark Nepo refers to a CS Lewis classic, The Chronicles of Narnia, to illuminate this choice:

There, Aslan, the life-affirming, mystical lion, appears from time to time to restore balance and empower others. His counterpart, the life-draining White Witch of Narnia, freezes the life out of others, turning them into statues. Theirs is a classic battle; it is our battle. Ultimately, it is Aslan’s mystical breath that brings those drained of feeling back to life by thawing their numbness. Isn’t this the gift of encouragement: to thaw our numbness by breathing life into each other and ourselves? Isn’t this the blessing of the lion-hearted?”

We could say that the mystical breath is the heartening influence we carry within us and that freezing the life out of things is the disheartening influence, the coldness we’re capable of when we withdraw our attention and care. When we stop listening long enough, that inattention can be numbing.

It is imperative to remember that we are both the lion and the witch. As such, we carry tremendous powers within us to affirm life or to drain it. Each time we turn away from life and deny the living, we numb some part in the world. But each time we turn toward life and accept everything that lives, we thaw some part in the world.

Every interaction we have with others, however small, offers us an opportunity to affirm,  to be “the lion”.  There are countless ways we can begin:

• Smile more
• Hug more
• Make more eye contact
• Treat others to more coffee
• Listen more intently
• Give more time
• Stop to catch-up longer
• Be more optimistic
• Be more sympathetic
• Be more patient
• Celebrate more successes
• Dream bigger dreams for others
• Cook someone a meal
• Ask elders for more advice
• Spend more time reminiscing with old friends
• Donate more to charity
• Display more affection
• Give more compliments
• Write more “thinking of you” notes
• Offer more forgiveness
• Ask more follow-up questions
• Show more interest
• Have more compassion
• Talk to more children
• Remember more names
• Leave bigger tips
• Use kinder words
• Give more apologies
• Focus more on common ground
• Be more sensitive to the new person
• Read more books to your child
• Offer to help more often
• Say thank you more often

CHALLENGE: Ask yourself:  In what ways am I being one who affirms? In what ways am I being one who drains?  What are two things I can do to be more life-giving?