If we are brave enough, often enough, we will fail. This is a book about what it takes to get back up. (Dr. Brene Brown, from the cover of Rising Strong)
She’s back! Last week Dr. Brene Brown, TED talk sensation and author of two New York Times bestsellers released her much anticipated new book, Rising Strong.
I read Rising Strong in one sitting this past weekend (just couldn’t stop!), and am excited to recommend it to anyone who is struggling to re-group after experiencing a sense of failure, deep disappointment, hurt or heartache.
Dr. Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, has spent the last thirteen years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. According to Dr. Brown, her latest book extends the progression of her previous books:
The Gifts of Imperfection–Be You
Daring Greatly–Be All In
Rising Strong–Fall. Get up. Try again.
I’ve referenced the work of Dr. Brown in previous posts, (Engaging From A Place Of Worthiness and Living and Loving With Your Whole Heart) and have very high regard for her pioneering work on vulnerability-the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of outcome–as a path to a life filled with more love, belonging, creativity and joy, and wholehearted living-engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.
I have recommended her books to many clients and feedback is inevitably positive and often life-changing. Her writing is down-to-earth and entertaining. Most of all, it wears well because it grounded in the stories and experiences of men and women who have found wholehearted ways to navigate struggle.
“My goal for this book (Rising Strong),” says Brown, “is to slow down the falling and rising processes: to bring into our awareness all the choices that unfurl in front of us during those moments of discomfort and hurt, and to explore the consequences of those choices.”
To slow it down, Brown divides the Rising Strong process into three parts:
1) The reckoning: Get curious about how your emotions connect with the way you think and behave. Recognize and acknowledge these emotions rather than acting out, getting defensive, overreacting blaming others, shutting down or getting stuck in shame.
2) The rumble: Get honest about the stories you are making up about your struggles and challenge yourself to determine what’s truth, what’s self-protection and what changes you need to make in order to live a more wholehearted life.
“A lot of the stories we tell ourselves just aren’t true”, says Brown. Within seconds of a difficult experience, we make up stories to make sense of what happened. Do any of these stories sound familiar to you?
- It was a complete waste of time
- God must be punishing me
- I must be a loser
- That person is trying to control me
- If that happens I won’t be able to stand it
- I should do well. If I don’t then I’m a failure
- She’s more successful than I am
- I won’t be able to stick to an exercise routine
- My parents caused all my problems
- If I don’t look out for myself no-one else will
- I don’t have anything important to offer
- There must be something wrong with me
- I’m not good enough
Many of our stories need a reality check.
“The most dangerous stories we make up,” says Brown, “are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity and creativity.”
Brown suggests that after we identify the story we are making up, it’s time for a reality check. Time to probe our assumptions, which are usually self-defeating. She recommends asking ourselves these questions:
- What do I know objectively?
- What more do I need to learn and understand about the other people in the story?
- What more do I need to learn and understand about myself?
3) The revolution: Write a new ending to your story based on what you’ve learned in the rumble and improve the way you engage with the world. In other words, craft a braver story that honors your self worth for going forward.
As Brown is quick to say, the bulk of the Rising Strong process lies in the rumble-the daily grappling with our thoughts feelings and actions. Slogging through personal sludge during the rumble can feel very uncomfortable, she says, and it may take days, months or even years.
If you have had issues with your own failures, disappointments, hurts or heartaches (who hasn’t?), Rising Strong is a must read.
Thank you so much, Vicki, for including me to receive your new blog, I MUST get one of her books, she has so much to offer anyone, whether they’re struggling through any kind of crisis, or just day to day experiences, loved her explanation of the three parts of Rising Strong. You have such a gift of sharing your insight and wisdom, blessing so many clients/people. It has been such a privilege to know you, dear friend. Peace–and love, Doris
Thanks so much, Vicki, I must get one of her books, can see how you read her newest one straight through! Love always, Doris