When unwanted events and circumstances enter our lives and when, for whatever reason, it is not possible to change our situation, we can focus on tolerating and accepting whatever distress we may feel. We can practice distress tolerance skills and learn to bear our pain skillfully. In the process we discover we can survive and do well even in very difficult situations without resorting to behaviors that will make our situations worse.
I found myself in such a situation this past weekend. Unless I wanted to find another form of transportation back home to Des Moines, I had no choice but to stay on the airplane I had just boarded at LAX. The plane was full, the air was hot, and our captain had just informed us of mechanical difficulties that would delay take-off of the 4 hour flight to Chicago. As we sat in the airplane for nearly two hours before take-off, I started to feel trapped and very distressed about being stuck in such a small space with no easy exit for such a long period of time. Within moments, I was on the verge of panic. Fortunately, I had some good distress tolerance skills up my sleeve, and was able to use them!
I closed my eyes and imagined running through open grassland on the beautiful Des Moines trails. I counted backwards from 100 by 3’s, by 4’s and then by 7’s. I practiced tensing and then relaxing every muscle in my body starting from my toes all the way to the top of my head. I did a Sudoko puzzle that was in the back of the seat-pocket magazine. I struck up a silly conversation with the person next to me. I started chewing 3 pieces of gum at once. ANYTHING to help me tolerate my distress! Proud to say, I survived the long wait on the ground, as well as the four hour flight to Chicago and the 1 ½ hour flight from Chicago to Des Moines.
Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation? Distressed, but unable to change whatever situation you found yourself in? Needing to cope your way through something?
If so, and if you’re interested in growing your ability to tolerate and accept distress, you will be interested in the distress tolerance skill list that follows. These skills are part of the psychosocial skill-training used in the Dialectical Behavior Therapy model developed by Marsha Linehan, psychology researcher at University of Washington. This material has been “road tested” over many settings, and many people have found it helpful. I certainly did!
FOUR SKILL CATEGORIES TO GET YOU THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES:
- DISTRACT
- SELF-SOOTHE
- IMPROVE THE MOMENT
- PROS & CONS
DISTRACT
Distraction means deliberately turning your attention away from the situation. You can do this in many ways (notice the “ACCEPTS” acronym for easy remembering).
Activities
Use an activity that fits the moment or what you would be doing if you weren’t distressed (exercise, call/visit a friend, watch a movie, engage in a hobby, go to the zoo, park or beach, clean, play computer games).
Contributing
Do an activity that primarily serves others (volunteer, listen to someone else’s problems, write a letter to a lonely person, bake someone cookies).
Comparisons
Think about others who are suffering more than you or a time in of your life when you were doing worse. Remember your pain is still valid, but put it on a continuum from easiest to hardest to bear and focus your attention on the harder.
Emotions
Figure out an emotion different from the negative one you are feeling and try to bring it on (if angry watch a comedy, if scared watch someone daring).
Push Away
This means deciding that something cannot be dealt with now, and putting it out of your mind. Imagine the volume of your problem being turned down, imagine putting it on a shelf, in a time-release safe in another room).
Thoughts
Fill your brain with other thoughts so there is no room for the distress (do math problems in your head, sing song lyrics you don’t quite remember, decide what everyone else on the airplane had for breakfast).
Sensations
If you mobilize your body, your emotions often shift (hold ice in your hand, run up and down stairs, put a rubber band on your wrist-pull out and let go, if inside go outside and if outside go inside).
SELF-SOOTHE
Self-soothe means using your five senses to do for yourself what you would likely do for someone you love.
Vision (decorate your space, go somewhere inspiring)
Sound (listen to music, soothing voices or nature sounds)
Smell (cook something delicious, smell lavender)
Touch (pet an animal, get a foot massage, wear comfy clothes)
Taste (eat your favorite food or candy, drink a cup of your favorite tea)
IMPROVE THE MOMENT
(notice the “IMPROVE” acronym for easy remembering)
Imagery (picture a place you feel happy, safe or relaxed)
Meaning (find or create some purpose, meaning or value in the distress)
Prayer (use and connect to the religious or spiritual traditions that are meaningful to you, serenity prayer)
Relaxation (tighten each part of your body fully for 5 seconds and then relax. Start at your toes and work through your full body, walk, yoga)
One Thing (focus all your attention to what is happening right in this moment)
Vacation (give yourself a brief vacation-unplug your phone for a day, get in bed with chocolates and read your favorite magazine)
Encouragement (be your own cheerleader: “I can do it”, “Only 3 more days”, “I’ve been through worse and can do this too”).
PROS & CONS
Make a list of the pros and cons of tolerating your distress. Make another list of the pros and cons of not tolerating the distress (abuse alcohol, do something impulsive). Focus on your long term goals, think of the positive consequences of tolerating your distress, think of all the negative consequences of not tolerating your current distress. Remember what has happened in the past when you have acted impulsively to escape the moment.
Which three or four of these distress tolerance skills are most appealing to you? Tuck them up your sleeve, because they may come in handy for you like they did for me on the airplane this weekend!
Thanks Vicki for sharing this; so sorry you had to go through that experience! Good info…….your my Angel, Linda